i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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