I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
