my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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