"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I fill condoms, not promises.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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