No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
