Where is the hickey?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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