i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
