Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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