I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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