I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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