Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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