Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
