You can't special order awesome
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think your dad took our porno
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
