I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
