dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
