I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
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