Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
