You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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