i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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