You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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