I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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