you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
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