this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
