I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
