can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
