So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
