i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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