this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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