were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
