if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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