worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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