one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize