i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize