did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
