M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
