if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
