I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
