omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
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