I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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