May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
