nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It's official drugs can't kill me
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
