NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
