I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
