whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
