If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
