Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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