I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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