Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
