D3 body, D1 cock
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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