i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
