today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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