Have you finally orgasmed yet?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
