Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
