ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
