Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
