Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize