DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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