We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Actions speak louder than pants.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
