Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
