Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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