found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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