Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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