Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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