I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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