wakey wakey hands off snakey
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
whose ass print is on the piano?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
