Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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