once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
