i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
