He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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