Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
