So drunk its hurt
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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