the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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