just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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