I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I want her autograph on my taint
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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