Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
