i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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