i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
