OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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