Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
