just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
