is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
