dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
